Anger is one of the most dangerous emotions. When a person is consumed by anger their sense of logic goes out the window and they do whatever their mind tells them to do. Anger makes us rash, illogical and hasty. While it is impossible to control another person’s anger, it is quite possible not to inflame it. Words have power and what you say to an angry person may very well be the difference between life and death.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Proverbs 18:21
As Christians, we need to learn how to effectively communicate with others. Why? Because how and what we communicate can either represent Christ positively or negatively. As members of God’s kingdom, we have been allowed to show God’s love to others and one of the ways we do that is by everyday interactions.
There are various reasons why a person might be upset with you. Whether their anger is justified or not, how you deal with an angry person is critical because it is an opportunity to exhibit the humility of Christ. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Christians aren’t supposed to get angry; after all, anger is a normal human emotion, but how we deal with our anger and someone else’s makes the difference between someone who is following Christ and someone who is not.
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
The way we communicate with others can reflect our Christianity. Every single interaction we have whether good or bad can either further persuade someone to follow Christ or dissuade them. That’s how powerful words are!
We, humans, are social beings. We communicate not only with our words but also with our actions; body language is just as effective in conveying a message as saying actual words.
As Christians, we should adopt the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5-11), which means we ask God to help us control our thoughts, actions and words so they reflect Christ. So whether you’re in a situation where tensions are high or not the Bible gives practical advice on how to effectively communicate with others in any situation.
According to the Oxford online dictionary: Communication is the activity or process of expressing ideas and feelings or giving people information. We can effectively communicate in various ways, such as:
Our tone
Our body language
The way we dress
Everything that we do or say sends a message to others around us. We are Christ’s representatives on earth, therefore it is important to communicate the right messages. What message are you sending about Christ?
When you’re right, you’re right, right?
Have you ever gotten angry with someone BECAUSE they were angry with you? Anger plus anger only equals more anger. Sometimes it’s difficult to be the bigger person because half of the time you’re the one who is right, right? But our focus text for today states:
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1
When you encounter an angry person, it’s important to watch what you say. That person is already fueled by emotion and any little thing can catch them ablaze. The Bible advises using the reverse; instead of increasing your volume to match theirs lower yours instead. Instead of using harsh words and bringing up past mistakes, try humility instead.
When you use harsh words towards another, you are building blocks of hatred and contempt within your relationship with that person. The same words said in a joke have a different meaning when said in anger. But you’d be surprised how a soft answer can calm an upset spirit.
So here are 3 things you can do when someone is angry with you:
1. Listen a lot.
“A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.”
Ecclesiastes 3:7
God gave us two ears and one mouth. That’s a clear sign that we should listen more than we should talk. And yes, I know that when someone is angry with you they tend to say all sorts of irrational things that make you want to just raise your voice and scream to the top of your lungs “THAT’S NOT TRUE!” But especially in moments of anger, it is important to listen to what that person is saying, no I mean really listen and internalize where they’re coming from. Just by the act of keeping your mouth shut, you may be able to quicker quell the tumultuous situation,
I have also found that listening to what someone says when they’re angry with me, can bring new light to my character flaws; things I might have overlooked about myself that may need reevaluating. So don’t be too quick to defend yourself right away, listen and see if there is any merit to what that person is saying.
2. Be careful what you say and how you say it.
“Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.”
Psalm 34:13
Think before you talk. That’s what my mother always said and the older I get the more I understand that proverb. In the past, I was quick to express my opinion without really thinking it through. I just blurt out whatever I feel in the moment without really processing the possible effects of my words.
Now, I think before responding especially when someone is angry with me. Not only do I try to process what I say but (more importantly) how I say it. There’s a big difference between saying “You’re an idiot,” and saying “You’re acting like an idiot,” both are horrible but ask yourself, which one is the worst of the two evils?
3. Step away from the situation
“An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.”
Proverbs 29:22
People may say all sorts of stuff to us, but as Christians, we must learn to keep our peace. This goes for times when you’re angry and when someone is angry with you. Sometimes it’s best to walk away. Take a break. Chill out.
Stepping away from the situation for a bit can help to wash away a bit of the built-up tension between both parties and prevent further damage caused by hurtful words. So if things get too hot to handle, politely ask for a break, take a walk and come back, especially if you feel yourself getting an anger migraine.
It’s much better to step away for a moment when you feel yourself ready to burst than to escalate the situation by saying or doing something stupid.
Conclusion
James 1:9 summarizes all of this for us saying “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
The Bible has practical solutions for everyday living. When we practice the guidelines presented in scripture, we will live a life that rightly represents Christ.
Prayer for Today:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Sometimes I am tempted to fight anger with anger. Sometimes I make bad situations worse with the words I say. Lord, hold my tongue. Give me the right tone. Help me to give a soft answer when I am dealing with someone angry with me.
Amen.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article today. If you have a question, query or story you’d like to share with me, please leave a comment or email me using the form below.
