8 Clear Signs God is working on your Marriage

Matthew 19:6

Maintaining a good relationship takes work. Don’t let fairytales and romantic comedies fool you, there is no happily ever after. However, there is an ever-after it’s called marriage and sometimes it isn’t all that happy. But there is hope, there may be signs that God is already working on your Marriage and you might not even realize it.

I like to think of a relationship as just like having a car. Buying a car is great, when you first receive the keys you get this bubbly feeling inside. You wake up every morning thinking ‘I can’t believe I actually own this car’ and you drive down the road with a big grin on your face. But after some time the newness wears off, you’ve left food in the car and it begins to have a smell. You have to buy new tires because you accidentally ran into a pothole and you begin hearing a clicking sound every time you start the car. So what are you going to do? Just get rid of the car? No! You maintain it, carry it by the mechanic for regular check-ups and try to take care of it as best you can. I realize my car metaphor kind of went a bit too far so let me make it simple. The car is your relationship and the mechanic is God. 

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

All marriages go through ups and downs. A friend once told me that if you have more downs than ups it’s probably a sign that God is telling you to end that relationship, however, I believe that most marriages can be fixed with God’s help once both parties are willing to work on their relationship. But, if you are in an abusive relationship please don’t think that staying with your spouse would change them, sometimes it’s better to love someone from afar. That being said, it’s important to remember that while you’re praying for God to work on your relationship you should also be asking God to work on you and guide you to the right decision. 

A few years ago when I was engaged to marry my now husband, we were not having the best time in our relationship. To put it frankly, I wanted out. I was so sure of this decision that I began to tell my friends and family not to look forward to a wedding because the relationship was over. We had a few disagreements and I thought he wasn’t willing to change, we kept falling back into old patterns and I was just tired of it all. However, at one church service a guest pastor came to preach, he spoke on the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18, 20) and I just broke down in tears. The Holy Spirit impressed on my heart that I was the selfish and impatient one and that I should reconcile with my fiance. Sometimes we think the problem with our marriage is our spouse but we haven’t been open to the possibility that the problem could be our unwillingness to change. 

So, here are 8 signs that God is working on your marriage (and you):

1. You’ve had a ‘heart-to-heart’

One of the very first signs that God is working in your relationship is when you’ve reached that point as a couple where you could have a heart-to-heart talk that doesn’t end in a shouting match. Things have been bubbling under the surface. You have unexpressed feelings, they have unexpressed feelings and you’ve taken the time to sit with each other and really hear things out. This doesn’t necessarily mean that everything will be resolved immediately or that change will happen instantaneously but it’s a good step in the right direction and it’s a sign that love still exists between you and your spouse. 

2. You’re starting to see little changes

Another sign that God is working in your relationship is that you’ve begun to notice little changes in behaviour not only in your spouse but in yourself as well. It doesn’t have to be big things, it could be as small as him putting the toilet seat down after use or she hasn’t been complaining as much about the dirty dishes in the sink. There is a willingness in both parties to make intentional behavioural changes to make the other happy. So be patient with yourself and with your spouse, things are going to get better.

Related Post: 7 signs God is telling you to End a Relationship 

3. Agreed to go to counselling

After having a heart-to-heart conversation you both realize that there are some unresolved issues in your relationships that a good Christian counsellor can probably help you figure out. This willingness and recognition by both parties is a signal that change is around the corner. The important thing now is to follow through and to keep each other accountable when the other falls short, in a kind way of course. 

4. Your spouse/partner is becoming more understanding

We all have little flaws that become blatant when we enter into a serious relationship. Your partner (God bless their soul) is the one who has to put up with these character flaws. Oftentimes these flaws can become sources of disagreements and conflict within the relationship. You might sometimes be a little jealous sometimes or become angry at something that your spouse thinks is trivial. But over the last few weeks, you’ve noticed that your partner is becoming more understanding of these flaws. While they still may not like some of the things you do, they are beginning to truly accept you and arguments are becoming less and less frequent. But that is not an excuse not to work on yourself. 

5. You are learning to adapt better

One of the things they don’t tell you when you’re getting married is that there is an adjustment period. You’re living with a person who has developed household patterns and habits that are completely different from the systems that you grew up with. So conflict arises when your spouse doesn’t do things in the way you think is right. One of the signs that God is working on your marriage is when you begin to develop adaptability. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that God is about to change your entire personality but your willingness to make this relationship work has given you the strength to be flexible and make decisions that will ultimately make the relationship better for both of you. 

6. You both use the word ‘sorry’ more often

A sign that God is working in your life and in your relationship is when you begin to develop humility. Saying the words “I’m sorry” can be very difficult sometimes especially if you believe the other person is the “more wrong one”. But if you find yourself and your spouse being quick to sincerely apologize for wrongdoing, then it’s a signal that your relationship is headed in the right direction. 

7. You actually want to spend time together

A lot of times when relationships drift apart there is a noticeable dip in the frequency and quality of intentional time spent together. When you begin to repair your marriage you may notice the desire to spend more and more quality time with your spouse rather than just looking for every excuse not to be at home. God has begun to open up your heart to them again and you’re starting to remember when you fell in love with them in the first place. 

8. You’ve let go of pre-marital expectations

When we were younger we all had this fanciful idea of what marriage would be like. We create mental (some of us physical) lists of what our perfect partner should be like and then we think we found all of those characteristics in our would-be spouse. However, it doesn’t take us long to realize that all that glitters isn’t gold and that the picturesque idea of a relationship we had in our heads doesn’t exist. Some of us have been holding on to the ideas of what a marriage or a long-term relationship should look like and we sometimes unknowingly hold our spouse to those unrealistic expectations. We compare ourselves to curated couples on Instagram and wonder why our relationship isn’t decorated with cute matching Christmas pyjamas. A clear sign that God is working on your marriage is when you are able to let go of your unreachable ideals. You are ready to make the best of what God has given to you and that’s when you will really begin to enjoy your relationship.

In conclusion

All relationships have battles, jumping out of one relationship and into another one isn’t going to magically fix your life especially if you haven’t taken the time to fix yourself first. If you are really called to marriage (and yes I say called because some of us are called to singleness) and if God is showing you signs that this is the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with then God is already working on your relationship. 

Prayer for Today:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Open my eyes OH Lord that I may see exactly what you’re trying to show me. Show me the places in my life that I need to fix. Draw me and my spouse closer to you first and in return draw closer to each other.

Amen.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article today. If you have a question, query or story you’d like to share with me, please leave a comment or email me using the form below.