5 Signs You’re Unequally Yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14
Romantic relationships can be challenging to navigate. When two people decide to enter into a romantic relationship they’re essentially combining two completely different family backgrounds, two different ideologies about life and two different sets of goals. That’s why it’s important to prayerfully ask God’s guidance when courting/dating because you may end up in a long-term relationship where you’re totally unequally yoked. ,
What does it mean to be unequally yoked?
In my article ‘7 Signs God is telling you to End a Relationship’ I briefly mentioned that being unequally yoked may be one of the reasons God is telling you to end a relationship. Today I want to dive a bit deeper into what may constitute being unequally yoked and what are signs to look out for.
The Bible says in Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” While Amos chapter 3 isn’t speaking about courtship or marriage here, the sentiment can still be applied. Can two be in a relationship unless they are in agreement? Chances are, absolutely not.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14
And again while not speaking specially about romantic relationships, Paul makes a point to note that we as believers should not have fellowship with unrighteousness. He compares this idea of being unequally yoked with idols and unclean things. This is the passage of scripture that we believers got the phrase ‘unequally yoked’, and it is the only time this phrase appears in the King James Version Bible.
If we dive a bit deeper into the Old Testament we can understand Paul’s point of reference…
Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth for ever: that ye may be strong, and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children for ever.
Ezar 9:12
These scriptures give us two possible definitions of being ‘unequally yoked’.
Number 1: You are mingling with someone with whom you can’t agree.
Number 2: You’re mingling with someone who doesn’t believe in the one true God.
I say mingling there because these verses don’t only suggest romantic relationships but relationships as a whole including friendships.
The dangers of being unequally yoked
But were mingled among the heathen, and learned their works.
Psalms 106:35
From these scriptures, we can see why God doesn’t want us to marry unbelievers. He knows that we are easily swayed by others and wants us to remain as connected to Him as possible. A lot of the apostasy in the Old Testament came from God’s people marrying outside their faith and therefore they adopted the behaviours and the gods of the heathen.
God wants us to be careful what activities we indulge in, sometimes that means not associating ourselves with people who we know will lead us astray.
However, it would be remiss of me not to mention that there are times in the Bible when God led someone to be with or even marry someone who wasn’t even a believer, so what gives?
According to the book of Hosea God told the prophet to go take a wife from ‘a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms’. Also in the book of Ruth, we understand that Ruth was originally from Moab when she married Naomi’s son. But we can see from these instances that it was all God’s doing.
The reverse is also true, two persons can be of the same faith even of the same church and have an awful time in their relationship. This means that being unequally yoked goes deeper than just not having the same faith.
So here are 5 Signs that You and Your Partner Might be Unequally yoked:
1. Goals don’t align
One of the major sources of conflict in a romantic relationship is when a couple fights over money. One of the reasons this happens is that both parties have completely different ideas on how money should be spent. Their goals for finances differ and an argument ensues.
But this not only applies to money. It could be any goal, for example, it could be whether or not you both want children or possibly even deciding whether or not to move to a different country.
Marriage is the coming together of two to become one, this means your goals and ambitions also become one. If you cannot agree on shared goals and one person is heading in one direction while the other is off to Timbuktu, chances are you’re unequally yoked.
2. There’s always conflict (more bad times than good)
Another clear sign that you’re unequally yoked is when there’s always conflict in the relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, all relationships have conflict after all we’re all flawed humans. However, if there are more arguments than kind words shared especially in the early stages of the relationship (within the first year) then chances are you’re unequally yoked.
Remember Amos 3:3, it’s going to be very difficult to have a well-functioning household if you can’t agree on how to move forward. If your partner is quick to pick an argument with you and they seem to always be the right one that might be an indication that they can potentially become abusive later on.
Related Post: Signs you’re in an abusive relationship
3. Unwillingness to compromise
Compromise is the cornerstone of any romantic relationship. Both parties MUST be willing to compromise or the relationship will never mature. If you find yourself in a relationship where you constantly have to sacrifice your values or self-worth to make the other person happy, then you’re in a relationship where that person doesn’t value your opinions.
If you cannot share your opinions with your partner without risk of ridicule what you have is a master, not a romantic partner. Being equally yoked means that both parties can agree and make decisions together for the betterment of their relationship. If you don’t see that happening, chances are you’re not equally yoked.
4. Opposites don’t always attract
In science, there is a rule of magnetism that states ‘Opposites attract’. This applies to the attraction of the North pole and the South pole of a single bar magnet. This law also applies to humans to some degree, however, there must be some level of sameness for a romantic relationship to work.
This could possibly mean having similar interests or backgrounds. Two completely opposite people may be wildly attracted to each other but if there is nothing of similarity to ground the relationship when the attraction fades (and trust me it will) so will the relationship.
5. Opposing religions
We spoke a quite bit about this before but it bears repeating. Even though there is such a thing as relationship evangelism, one must pray very long and very hard before deciding to enter into a romantic relationship with someone who is of a different faith.
1 Corinthians 7: 14-15 tells us that God can sanctify one partner through another partner’s faith.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1 Corinthians 7: 14-15
I’ve heard of countless examples where God was able to use a wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend to lead someone to Christ but these are abnormalities. For most of us who enter into relationships with unbelievers, it just ends poorly and we end up distancing ourselves from God.
In conclusion
In everything that we do as believers, we must seek God’s will. We must strive to follow God’s plan for our lives. We must seek guidance on who we should date and then eventually marry. The person you marry can either help you get to heaven or drag you down to hell with them.
For those who think you married the wrong person and now you’re in an unequally yoked relationship, it is possible for God to transform that marriage. In all things, through prayer and devotion seek God’s wisdom.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
Philippians 4:6
Thank you for taking the time to read this article today. If you have a question, query or story you’d like to share with me, please leave a comment or email me using the form below.
